HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ....... BUT, First, let me apologize for reposting this poem, originally done after my Dad passed, July 2014. With Father's Day fast-approaching, I've been waxing sentimental. My parents divorced when I was 12 and, circumstances aside, I missed my Daddy terribly for he was just gone, never came to visit and I never understood why. It is difficult for a child to grow up without either parent, especially for a sensitive one, but once I reached 18, I let my curiosity lead me in a search for him. Eventually, I found, George L. Haynes, Jr. and a surprise Step-Mother, Ruth. Eagerly, we all began the process of rediscovering each other; believing it possible to make up for those lost years. Although, mostly an impossibility, we did our best. I think we managed to get closer than most, succeeding albeit with some bittersweet experiences , but more that were better described as happy -- NO, the silliest -- adventures. I will forever treasure them all, regardless.
I wonder . . . might this be like the adage that goes something like -- "absence (missing years) makes the heart grow fonder"? Could I see even the sadder memories and feelings as something to be appreciated and enjoyed because of all that is necessary when rekindling our relationship both as daughter to dad;dad to daughter, but also as adult to adult? Did it all make us both more aware of our feelings and connection with each other than it might have otherwise had we had each other all along? Makes me ponder. But, also makes me miss my Dad a lot and sometimes feel more acutely guilty that I missed going to visit him in Tenn. in the last few years of his life.
Therefore, I mean to honor my father with this poem -- AND -- also offer it as tribute to all the fathers, grandfathers and step-fathers watching over their loved ones from the other side of the "veil". Of course, I do not mean to cast a shadow of sadness on the Father's Day Celebrations. After all, there will be oodles of parties, picnics and loads of regards for all the living Dads everywhere; so this is for the missing and loving dads who are not only sending their love to those on this side of the veil, but busy enjoying whatever hobby, travel plans or games they loved in life or possibly trying a new adventures they never got to do before . . . Just let us remember our Dad in whatever way most appropriately celebrates his part of our life; as well as all the wonderful things that he was and still is to those that love him; missing, but "still with us" though LOVE.
PS: The hobby example that befits my Daddy is the image below of a model airplane; his avocation was making plans and 3/4 scale models that really flew high and far, that is, once he could no longer pilot his Piper Cub single engine plane. Now that is a memory that makes my stomach still flip-flop; the models a memory from when I was very young and thought chasing after them when they landed far from us was a good idea; thinking back on it, I was a gullible child. LOL
WHERE WOULD THEY CARRY ME UPON MY PASSING?
Where would I let them carry me upon the passing?
To a brilliant dew moistened summer morning,
Sky-blue smiles in faintly ironical glee
Sleepily indifferent, puts on color
Darker sky blue
Lighter sky blue
Faded sky blue
Wandering moon pale blue
Sadly smiling
Sleepily detached
Oh, I wait ever waiting to go where they carry me
Choose to buy a shirt of sunshine bright
Yellow moon of summer night
Rising sun slightly gold
Tears of dew moisten first hours
Pressed, dressed, putting on a shirt
And necktie red and gray
Wanderers grimace with moon madness
Wavering snakes of heat arise
Autumn hints with flapping
Green, yellow, red and orange leaves
Beneath soggy gray morning clouds
Wanderers in moon green envy
Summer morning violet peaks afar
So detached from where wanderers go
Under silver clouds of ironical faces
Overturned so where would they carry me then?
Rainbows sleepily stretch in indifference
Rain soaked shirts of dusky black
Bowed necktie skies grimly see a
Rainbow carrying me over the bridge to where?
Wandering moon shadows glow
Blending to silver and then gray
Blending into a darkness nary seen
Wanderers faintly ironical smiling
Lips bowed fire-red opalescence
Lips dew-kissed in pink gloss
Alas, where will they carry me upon my passing?
